And there's no freaking out about letting that anchor of a past go.
I've decided to delete things of the past. Life has finally caught up, and I shouldn't be afraid to look through my entries to remember old hurts and stupid shit from when I was so much younger. Ignorant--naive--just to name a couple.
I shudder at the vague haze I was when I wrote one of the very last blogs. The whole tone of my life entries was blae-blech-fizzle-*fart**burp* awful...
Now, I feel I have a grasp on what my goals should be. Try and do what Jesus would do, be an amazing mom, woman, lover, and friend. Seems easy enough right?
Firstly, I forgot how much I enjoy listening to actually "music". Like Chopin, Bach, Mozart, Charlie Parker, Glenn Miller...etc. It gives me the urge to dust off my sax and renew our kinship. I don't think our retired neighbors would appreciate the daily "rock out" with a brand new baby already straining the quiet hours..
Here I sit almost a quarter-centrury into my life and I find myself pretty happy with my day to day life. Granted, I'm not a successful salon owner with my own make-up line wearing Louboutins to work every day---but I think that it's the people in your life that "make-it".
I have a beautiful daughter who is 2 and a half weeks old. Our "little-happy-gassy potato" as we refer to her. My dear sweet Presley Monroe. I love being her momma and look forward to all that she's going to show me...<3
..yea. She's pretty freakin' adorbs.
I also have a great lover and friend, Curtis. He's what I would consider my "teenage dream" or "high school sweet heart." Though we didn't go to the same school, we worked just as many hours (or so it seems) at the Pig together. It's only now I can be honest about the spontaneous trip to go visit the store to get a glimpse of his ass while stocking and facing...and wearing low cut shirts to bend over to bag groceries hoping he'd notice that the fruit coming down checkout weren't the only melons worth handling. ;)
hahaha.
He is an amazing father, lover, and friend. With God's help he has become a wonderful provider. Plus we're great at co-habitation. I appreciate all He and he have done for my daughter and me. The man even brings home wine bottles and BLL for him and his lady. That's only for starters.
Woah. That's hot.
So, here I sit on a Friday. With nothing to do but watch my cupcake.
Friday's used to be: pick up older sister. Drink. Get ready while drinking. Drink s'more.
Indulge in s'merb. Sneak drink into local dive bar to get hit on by creepers. Get scha'wasted. Have drunken sex, and do it all again the next day or promising to NEVER do that again. haha.
Now, it's me and my little lady enjoying maternity leave with a BLL or two, and hoping for some human interaction
before passing out. May not be a real possibility, but Skype is a real blessing these days.
#stillhopingthetransporterwillbeinvented
Goals:
Figure out a school plan/Go to school: Yea. I need to get my adult ass
in gear and get it together. I would love to own a salon someday and show the
world what I can do. Let's just start simple and say: beauty school.
Attend church/read the Bible: I'm no fool. I am aware that when things are
good with GOd, things go well in general. Life isn't without it's ironies and
issues, but when we take time to acknowledge our Maker, I can't help but know
the difference in a life it can make.
Pay off debts: So, credit cards suck. Make you think you have all this money, when
you really don't. Kind of learned it early in life, however, I have some of that old stuff hanging around. Taking care of it would be a burden off the shoulders, and bring me completely up to date without old issues/bad memories laying around.
Go on cruise/Get married: Love to go on a cruise to the Mediterranean. Greece, Italy... Who cares after that? I can only imagine the magic that comes from getting married while on this adventure. It is a dream of mine...Who said goals couldn't be dreams, right?
Start a savings account: You know that rainy day they always talk about? I've had that rainy day come my way a time or two and I've never been prepared. Time to nut up or shut up. Adult=save money, realllllly start thinking into your future. Retirement really isn't that far away...Yikes. *gulp*
Keep job: Wiping ass other than yours and your offspring really gets old after awhile. Working in a nest of other ladies is tiresome. Pay is decent, but sometimes I feel my sanity being chipped away shift by shift...
Lose 50 pounds and kick my wardrobe's ass: Just had a baby. Gained a bit of weight.
More worried about how body looks rather than the number. I always "weighed" myself by size of pants-not by my scale number. As soon as doctor okays activity, I will be having many acts of intimacy and every reason to work out regularly and choosing to eat sensibly.
Be a franfreakin'tastic mother: love, Love, LOVE they say. And I am. Love when she's in my arms, when she's sleeping across the room, if she's drooling, pooping, whatever--I'm a proud momma. I just always want what's best for her. The minute that changes, I'm not being the mom I want to be.
These are the major goals I have for myself. I'll probably think of more, but it seems I already have more than enough on my plate.
Seeing as today is more than half blown and three beers to the wind, I'll start tomorrow. LOL
Here's to the start of better writing. *cheers*
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